Overcoming Resistance: Turning “I Don’t Buy It” into Shared Commitment
“Resistance is not rejection — it’s information.”
Every negotiator, policymaker, or leader faces resistance.
It appears in silence, polite disagreement, or the familiar phrase: “I don’t buy it.”
At Tafawuud, we see resistance not as a barrier, but as a signal — a map showing where trust, logic, or inclusion must be rebuilt.
1. Understanding Resistance: The Hidden Emotion Behind ‘No’
Resistance is rarely about facts. It’s an emotional response to perceived loss — of control, identity, or recognition.
Research from Fisher & Shapiro’s Beyond Reason (2005) identifies five emotional needs that, when unmet, trigger resistance:
Appreciation, Autonomy, Affiliation, Status, and Role.
When people resist, they are not rejecting your idea — they’re protecting these needs.
The task of a skilled negotiator is to restore balance before reasoning begins.
2. The Seven Stages of Influence
From Tafawuud’s negotiation training, we teach a gradual model of alignment — seven stages through which influence evolves:
Public Opposition – open resistance, visible disagreement.
Private Grumbling – resistance moves underground.
Non-Opposition – silence, observation phase.
Tacit Agreement – initial willingness to explore.
Action – visible trial or partial buy-in.
Sustained Action – ongoing support and ownership.
Influencing Others – advocacy and peer reinforcement.
Leaders often stop at stage four, mistaking tacit agreement for commitment.
True success is when others begin advocating your position themselves.
3. Turning Resistance into Alignment
How do you move someone from opposition to shared ownership?
Tafawuud uses a three-part process drawn from behavioral negotiation and organizational psychology:
a. Listen for the Concern Behind the Objection
Ask: “What about this doesn’t work for you?”
This converts resistance into usable data.
b. Re-frame the Narrative
Link your proposal to their priorities and risks.
Replace “Here’s what I need” with “Here’s how this supports your goal.”
c. Create Low-Risk Participation
Invite small commitments first — pilots, consultations, shared reviews.
Behavioral science calls this the foot-in-the-door effect: once people act, they tend to stay consistent.
4. Leadership as the Reduction of Friction
In institutional contexts, resistance often arises from competing mandates or unclear authority.
Reducing friction doesn’t mean avoiding conflict — it means designing a process that builds psychological safety.
As Daniel Goleman (1995) noted, emotionally intelligent leaders use empathy not to agree with everyone, but to connect before they correct.
References
Fisher, R. & Shapiro, D. (2005). Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate. Harvard University.
Cialdini, R. (1984). Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. Harper Business.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam.
Harvard Law School – Program on Negotiation (PON). Influence and Resistance Studies.
